Create monitoring alerts

[lovinscari]

Alerts need:

Response time
Errors
CPU runtime / storage / memory
Apdex (an amalgamated metric approximating user satisfaction)
Alerts should:

Be actionable
Send the permalink to the metric or a dashboard displaying all relevant metrics via runbook and/or a guide to troubleshooting
Be checked mostly after codebase changes but alert us to issues we can't troubleshoot so that they can be ticketed to Acquia
Alerts can:

Monitor modules/hooks
Monitor SQL DB
Other things that aren't directly relevant (?) but may be useful for troubleshooting
A reasonable metric here is if things are 10x the time they'd normally take or 10% the quality they'd normally have or some threshold undefined for errors over 5-15 minutes period, then we should have an alert.

[maxdmayhew]

did we already talk about this? is this what new relec/thousand eyes? Is this a duplicate, can we close out?

@lovinscari @tmill29 @rotated8